Poor Mr. Retail Invester

The Board of Directors of Beating-Arose Ltd, of which I am a share holder informed me today by means of postal correspondence of their intention to appoint Mr. Sun-naiyo Khoobayyashi as a Damaging Director. Further, they politely averred to a side-effect this would have on my dividend in the forthcoming years, since this appointment would entail redirecting a fraction of profits (a figure with lots of zeroes) towards Mr. SK’s remuneration. Now, why pray did this Goliath corporation take pains to inform a non-entity like me… well, apparently, as a share holder my consent is sought for the appointment.  

Now, my comments/grievances to Beating-Arose Ltd are as follows:

1. My consent?? Hah! Really! Wait, let me get this straight… given the fact that I own 0.000000000000001% of the equity, how much voting prowess does that convert into? Er, does it give me say a right to veto??

2. I’m a share-holder dammit! (albeit a microscopically tiny share-holder)…. you are supposed to make me feel good. And honestly, don’t know what your market analysts have been telling you… but, informing me of this Big-Wig chap who’s Professional Tax contribution is greater than my gross annual income does NOT boost my morale.

3. Er, all those expenses you incur buying paper, toner cartridges, envelopes, not to mention boosting the profits of DheereChal Courier company trying to get this information to the homes of “significant” share holders like me… would it be too much to ask you NOT to do that, and divert the same to my annual dividend?

 4. Suggestion… er, can we NOT recruit Mr. Big-Wig and outsource this position to a person from a fifth-world nation at one-zillionth the cost??

 5. No wait… thats all for now!

 ps. If you’ve recognized the true identity of Beating-Arose Ltd or Mr. Sun-naiyo Khoobayyashi, pls don’t do my chugli… I honestly want to retain my Share-Holdership. BA or Mr. SK, if you happen to read this (yeah right!)… but if you do, no Hard Feelings meant, cross my heart!

Heck, if one can’t register a winning vote, one must atleast crib!

Sigh!

At the corner of my eye, somewhere in the remote fringes of my existence, reside some promises and possibilities that mean nothing, and yet how I would love to have them come true! How I wish, that one day I wake up to find…

That I possess a six-pack not manufactured by United Breweries.

That Aru and Tingi have painted my car maroon.

That I could skate (roller-blade actually)!

 That I was back in school.

 That I lived in the Serengeti.

 Wait, this list could go on, and really no point rambling on, cos I guess what I would really love is to find all of the above and more to happen all at once… which is pretty stupid as wishes go. Heck, i’ll just go back to being happy about things the way they are

Sigh-ning out!

V day and all that jazz

V day just went by of course… didn’t quite find the time to notice it go by, cos I guess my personal cupid was stuck in a traffic jam somewhere. Now, someone like me writing about V day is funny, cos the indubitable fact is that geeks DO NOT fall in love! Disagree? Well, the axioms as I see it, are as follows:

 1. The literary purists declare love a feeling in the pit of your stomach, that induces one to believe that among all variants of your species walking the planet, one particular specimen (usually of the opposite sex) is apparently a beautiful thing. This does not work with geeks – for a geek, an indescribable “feeling” in the pit of the stomach must have a logical cause (such as diarrhoea). And, anything that a geek finds beautiful is typically inanimate, and usually has some kind of a silicon component! (wonder if that explains the draw of bimbettes with implants??)

 2. The whole process of “finding someone” to fall in love with, usually involves a number of things that are entirely alien to geeks – good wardrobe, social instincts, patience for idle chit-chat (purists call it the art of romantic conversation), the list could go on…

 3. Sense of humour apparently is a good ingredient for love, and geeks should have a turf advantage there, cos a lot of them have plenty of it. Trouble is, it doesn’t help a great deal, if your sense of humour is not something that ordinary mortals (i.e. non-geeks) comprehend. Lets admit it, not many people outside the geek fraternity find fortune cookies such as this one funny – (http://www.anvari.org/fortune/Fortune_4_All_2/924.html)

 4. Could two geeks fall in love… with patterns of ones and zeroes, yes… with each other no, cos that would mean mixing business and pleasure!

 Now, this post is turning out to be really boring… almost fell asleep writing it. Can’t help it, unfamiliar turf and all that! But will try to end it well… once, in a moment of weakness, HJ succumbed to “idle chit-chat”, and found himself trying to butter up a PYT. Now, the PYT is reasonably impressed, and inflated, and quizzes HJ – “Close your eyes, and tell me who you see”. HJ complied, wrapped his eyelids, almost instantly saw a F16 falcon recovering from a controlled nose-dive, and found himself pondering about the gyro-stability. Literary purists may write that the PYT got her answer from the blissful smile that lit upon his face, but they would of course be wrong!